I’m that Mom. The one who is sitting here at the moment tearing up about everything, and about nothing. Thinking of how much of a jerk I’ve been.
What am I talking about? My kids, my husband, my life and the farm. BUT in general…the kids.
I don’t spend a lot of time on here talking about family life in the home and outside the farm. Mainly, because farming is so sewn into every inch of our lives, it’s hard to separate the two.
We have two kids that love the farm.
My son, Dillan, who is going to turn 10 years this June, and going to go into 5th grade this next school season. Our second, Jessica, is turning 4 this September and is determined to be the strongest willed child, ever! I know, not my kid heaven forbid she be strong willed. Here lies some of the problem. That, and their age difference
Dillan was an only child for the first 6 years of his life. I know what that’s like, being an only child. It has its ups and downs. The downs are being alone on the farm, no-one to play with…ok, maybe toads. He now has learned that with being a big brother, comes the insistent nagging of little sister wanting to tag along, everywhere! Another thing working against him is his age. I slowly realize that my baby boy is growing bigger. His emotional, I call it “Eeyore” state. Everything is a glass half empty look at things. It’s such a thrill talking to him sometimes. (Sarcasm) After talking with other mothers at a baseball practice, we all decided it must be hormones and times that are changing. 5th grade is going to be a big wake up call to him. 5th – 8th grade was just something to get through when I was young. Don’t get me started on being in the 9th! Ugh!
Jessica is the little firecracker in our family. Literally. I despise the 3-year-old stage. The endless temper fluctuations. Happy one minute, and then, “Mommy put my hair up wrong!!” Insert: Scream, crying, face flat on the floor. Us, telling her to go to her room. We don’t want to see it. Not but 3 minutes later. Coming back out acting as if nothing happened. Are you serious, child? She wants to do everything herself. And if she can’t she throws a fit! I mean, geez. I was never that bad…was I?
It comes to these moments when my husband and I get so stressed. Beyond it actually. Right now we’re already stressed due to the endless rains we are getting and not getting anything done on the farm. Pressure is always there, regardless of rain. But, now we’re behind. Not only that but our son is getting out of school this Tuesday, has Bible camp coming up, more Baseball practices, Baseball games, 4-H, Archery, Vacation Bible School with his sister, and whatever else I have forgotten to put on the calendar. Another thing that is coming, Harvest. We’re almost less than a month from wheat harvest! I know. Thank goodness for my parents and some friends that help us out.
This all together doesn’t make me feel any better about how things, emotionally, have transpired in the last week. Yelling. Anyone who knows us well knows that we don’t do that, intentionally. It seems that all we appear to do is yell. Yelling really doesn’t get anywhere with the kids, or towards each other. It only really causes more stress. Which we need less of.
So, today after having another emotional day and my body killing me from my silent battle. I apologized to my son on the way to the store. I told him how very sorry I was, on how we were behaving. He understands, at his age, how stressed we are. He still deserved the apology. I got home to Jess and my husband outside, playing. Her, smiling while riding her bike that she just recently accomplished to ride. That’s when it hit me. I’ve been an emotional jerk. Both of my children are healthy, enjoying life and their accomplishments. I, later on, said sorry to my daughter while singing her lullaby songs before bed.
How many of us have felt like jerks at the end of the day and admitted it to ourselves? Apologized to those who love us, regardless of what we say and do. I don’t see it as a weakness to tell my children that I was wrong. I see it as a way to teach them. Adults make mistakes too. Adults should own up to them, for some, in their own way.